Action / Movie / English dub
I viewed this movie in a theater.
Parental Warning: This movie is pretty safe for kids. Minimal adult language and blood. Lots of violence but it's action movie violence, not horror movie violence.
WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS MINOR STORY SPOILERS.
Plot Synopsis: A briefcase with weaponized nano-machine warheads inside is stolen by a terrorist organization hellbent on taking over the world. The GI Joe team is sent in to recover the warheads and stop the organization's evil plan.Story and Pacing: 3
The story was garbage. It seemed as if the story existed only to get you to the next fight scene which often left you feeling disappointed because the fight scenes typically ended with someone doing something unbelievably stupid. The GI Joe command structure is made to look like a bunch of imbeciles while the villains in the movie were evil geniuses capable of slaughtering anyone in their path... The food chain in this movie goes something like this...
GI Joe heroes ~> Cobra Villains > Cobra expendables > GI Joe expendables.
You can predict how all but one of the fight scenes in the movie end by just looking at who has more heroes/villains present for the fight. To be fair, I don't exactly go to movies like this for the story but they failed to provide strong quality action sequences (though some are quite good) which is why this movie scored so low in this category and Transformers 2 scored relatively high.
Characters: 7
All the stereotypes are covered here folks. For the good guys you have the guy who can do everything perfectly (Duke), the screwup comedy relief (Ripcord), the ninja seeking to avenge the death of his master (Snake Eyes), the frigid ice queen lady (Scarlet), and the mousy computer nerd. For the villains you have the sane architect who plots every detail of his world domination plan (McCullen), the insane mad scientist (the Doctor), the conflicted villain who has to overcome some inner demons (and brainwashing) if she wants to save her former love (Baroness), the evil ninja who killed his own master (Storm Shadow), and the anarchist guy who loves to murder people (Zartan).
This movie wasn't exactly innovative with it's character development and design and I think the real problem is that it takes itself too seriously at times. Stereotypical characters can work, the GI Joe franchise is built on these kinds of characters however the movie tries to explain all their actions and motives which is like diving head first into the shallow end of a pool. That said the villains of this movie really steal the show and though there is not much actual depth to the characters the actors still managed to do quite a bit with what they were handed.
Oh and please note GI Joe fans, I'm when I say the characters are one dimensional I'm going on my very limited knowledge of the universe, I'm sure there have been many great stories/comics written to help that out however none of this really made it into the movie.
Acting: 6
The acting is inconsistent. There are only two people in the whole movie without a bad line... Snake Eyes, and a cameo guy I'll mention later. There isn't a particular actor/actress that is bad in this movie, they all are at times... but they they are also all good at times. I hate movies that are inconsistent because it's too hard to figure out the cause of the bad acting is. In the case of GI Joe I blame the script and writers. A lot of the time actors failed to be convincing but then what they were trying to say was often so over the top or random I don't think anyone could have been convincing under the circumstances. Just to note though, this is more a problem with the good guys than the bad guys.
Animation: 7
The computer graphics in this movie are excellent as far as actual quality goes but occasionally it feels slightly... off. It's hard to describe how but every once in a while it just feels like you're watching a video game instead of a movie, particularly when the nano-machines are destroying Paris (as seen in the trailer) and looks like a green cloud dissolving things... on the other hand the obligatory action movie chase scene is one of the best I've ever seen.
Production Value: 7
The movie feels rushed in many ways. Not enough polish was slapped on before they shipped it to theaters and that really takes a lot away from the movie. For the most part the quality is about average for a big budget action movie but it definitely could have used a couple re-shoots and re-writes.
Final Grade: 6.0
Personal Bias: 8
I saw the movie with the expectation that it would be fun. I like movies based on classic shows/toys/comics. I like it when movies are loyal to the storyline of the show/toys/comics even if it is to the detriment of the movie plot. It's entirely possible that because of my relative ignorance of the GI Joe universe I missed or didn't understand so some of my complaints above might actually be compliments.
What I Loved Most:
Snake Eyes puts the laugh into slaughter. This guy is a walking meat grinder, it doesn't matter who or how many people get in his way, they'll likely be dead within five seconds. I don't like Snake Eyes just for his action sequences, he's the only person in the entire movie with a shred of common sense. The flashbacks explaining how he became a ninja were interesting (turns out he's white) and do a good job explaining his world view and why he never speaks.
Shouldn't he be killing mummies? That's right, Brendan Fraser took some time off killing mummies to come train Duke and Ripcord.
What's this one do? Experimental weaponry, nano machines, power armor, robot sharks, underwater secret hideout, the fastest jet ever... this movie has it all. Of course there are some inconsistencies... most of these gadgets are very powerful like the suit of power armor yet no one seems to to like actually using the technology. It's just confusing to me why you wouldn't pick the best weapon available every time you go on mission.
Evil villain is evil. The villains in this movie all manage to be evil for different reasons and to different extremes. One guy just likes killing... a lot. Another refuses to kill women. Another prefers to avoid any killing at all but will do what needs to be done. This among other things allows them to keep the movie relatively light (versus say... Sin City which is very heavy).
Storm Shadow had a busy childhood. The child actor who played young Storm Shadow was the same child actor who played the leader of “Flaming Dragon” in Tropic Thunder. Once I noticed this I kept hoping (Content warning: Link contains lots of adult language, NWS) Les Grossman would call old Storm Shadow on his cell phone and start threatening him with a godly f***ing firestorm.
What I Hated Most:
You're supposed to laugh! The movie's humor falls flat 75% of the time. The theater I was in was stone silent. There are only one or two laughs to be had and it's not for lack of trying, half the time I'd see something that looked like it was supposed to be funny but I just couldn't bring myself to laugh.
Why would you do that?? Ripcord and Duke both take off their power suit helmets. One manages to let a ninja punch their lights out and the other gets a nightstick to the face from an unhappy French police officer. To be fair, one of them had a reason for taking his off but I think I would prefer to deal with the cracks in the helmet than taking off the piece of armor protecting the single most important part of your body.
Time to buy lottery tickets. The plan the villains hatch in this movie is so far out there that it's hard to believe anyone would have invested their time and money into something that had the same odds of succeeding as a person has of winning the lottery. Simply put, it relied too much on factors the terrorists could never manipulate. I wasn't looking for a real ground breaking plan but what they had was akin to making a long domino chain and if any one of those dominoes failed to knock down the next one in line the world domination plot would fail.
I thought they said they were guys who got the job done. Supposedly in GI Joe's secret base every human being is a is a GI Joe who passed their rigorous training and tests... yet whenever the GI Joe expendables fight either the cobra expendables or agents they die in droves.
I guess GI Joe doesn't teach things like taking cover, sounding an alarm when intruders enter the base (their natural instinct is to hide in the corner apparently), and guarding the command center. On top of all that their base has no meaningful security (aside from expendables with guns) once the villains are inside. For being the best of the best they sure do miss the basic skills that allow you to survive in a fire fight.
Don't worry, I've got a deus ex machina gun everything will be alright. One of the characters in this movie carries around the equivalent of Men in Black's “Noisy Cricket”. She uses this gun on people, armored military grade vehicles, power armor, and a glass ceiling all with roughly the same results. The cobra expendables carry around a rifle version of this gun. It's neat watching this technology in action but I got the impression the only reason it made it into the movie because showing the terrorists only strategy was walking in through the front door and shooting anything that moves... any concept of tactics was far beyond their grasp... but then the GI Joe team didn't really have any tactical sense either.
Closing Comments:
Over all this movie was a big disappointment to me. I don't regret having seen it but it wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be. It succeeds at being fun, but doesn't even begin to get good like Ironman, Transformers, and Dark Knight.
No comments:
Post a Comment